Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Holes...

Have you ever seen that movie Holes?

It's kind of about a bunch of troubled teens in a "work camp" and they go out in the desert and have to dig a bunch of holes and each one has to dig so many holes before they can go back to camp that day. The landscape is full of huge holes. 

The last eight months it has seemed at times like I was stuck in that landscape. Not digging the holes myself but falling unknowing into one as I tried to stroll along. I would claw my way out of one hole finally resurfacing in the fresh air and light, dusting myself off and beginning again only to fall into yet another dark hole. Holes placed in my path by others, placed by the unpredictable nature of life, holes that just popped up randomly for the heck of it, and sometimes I even fell into holes that were destined for someone else. For whatever reason I fell into every hole imaginable and it left me pretty down for a long time, unable to regroup, or think, or move. Like there was a giant boa constrictor around my life.

For now my feet are on firm ground and I'm trying my best to get myself back. To get back to that place where I can make art, where I can feel art in my soul again. It's frustrating to think that I may have lost my muse in one of those holes I had to dig out of. But sometimes I get a glimpse of her and like a mirage, when I reach out to her she disappears again. Like every artist there have been times in my life where my muse took a vacation but I always greeted her warmly when she returned as she did not stay away long. Now I worry that she moved without telling me. I miss her, I miss the creative spirit that used to flow from me so freely, and I miss all of you here online. I miss the support and the comfort and the friendships. I am lost but trying to find my way back.

Anywho, for anyone struggling out there I wish you quick reunion with your muse, as I still search for mine. 

Hugs!


4 comments:

Sandy said...

Thespa,

You and I must have been traveling along the same landscape for I have been on a similar journey. I fear I lost my muse in one of those holes! Dear friend you are so exceptionally talented and I am sure as soon as you put your hands to media your muse will spring to life once again. Wishing you a quick connection with that which stirs your creative spirit!

Anita said...

So beautifully spoken...I am there, too .....

Alexis Grenzer said...

Thespa, I've thought about you several times over these months, hoping all was ok with you. I am so sorry you're having such a hard time, and I truly believe your muse will come back & you will share yourself once again with all of us who admire your spirit & talent. When you are ready, a new path, new inspiration, and new hope will spring up...you will see. Hang in there sweet lady! Sending hugs! -Lexi

Robin said...

Just saw this posting Thespa, I do hope you are doing better. You are so talented that I'm sure your muse will come back, and when she does with a vengence!

Hugs,
Robin

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